01.18.06

Welcome back to another week's installment of the all-things-strange round-up known as The K-Files.. Last week I took a bit of a break and presented a review of Jim Marrs' Alien Agenda. But now its time to get back and down to business in the gritty realm of internet paranormality.

This week, the Top Story covers a poor guy's attempt to prove that he's alive. Next, I present to you Khyron's strategy for defeating wild eagle attacks. Finally, I've got some conspiratorial ramblings in preparation for Alex Jones' C2C appearance.

:: Top Story ::

Sucks to be him. Ostracised 'ghost' seeks help to prove he is alive 17 January 2006 - Khaleej Times Online NEW DELHI — A man in Madhya Pradesh, who is believed to be a ghost by his family and villagers, has approached the police after a local committee asked him to produce evidence to prove he is not dead, a news report said yesterday. The family of Raju Raghuvanshi believe he died after a distant relative told them that he succumbed to a stomach ailment at a hospital in another city. The family, which lives at Katra village, 510km northeast of Bhopal, had performed last rites and organised a community feast to ensure peace for his departed soul, the Times of India reported. I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this situation. Poor guy. So he comes home from a journey to another city, only to have the village shut their windows and lock their doors upon his arrival. Even his own friends and kin run away from him, having thought he was dead. Man, that must’ve ranked among the top 10 most awkward homecomings in history. And as if having everyone in town think your some kind of ghost wasn’t bad enough, the village’s committee then orders him to prove that he’s not dead. Hmm… I’ve thought about this for a while, now—trying to come up with the best way to prove that one is indeed not dead. Normally, in Any Town, USA, the shear fact that you are whole, breathing, and able to interact with the environment would be a dead giveaway (forgive the pun). But I’m not sure if this would be enough in this particular village. If the fact that he is a breathing and thinking being with a steady heartbeat that requires sustenance isn’t enough, what else could this guy do to prove that he’s alive? Would cutting himself to show that he bleeds be enough? Maybe, but I think in his case, the only thing he can do to really show these people that he’s alive, is to die. It’d been interesting to see how this turns out. Unfortunately, these obscure little articles from foreign newspapers rarely get follow-ups. Oh well. Good luck, Ghost-Man.

:: Ancient Man ::

Birds, pff... Eagles used to prey on our ancestors-scientists By Ed Stoddard - Reuters 12 Jan 2006 JOHANNESBURG, Jan 12 (Reuters) - The answer to a scientific "who-done-it?" has revealed a chilling fact: We used to be bird food. Scientists announced on Thursday they had definitive proof that the "Taung child", a 2-million year old apeman skull famed as one of the most dramatic human evolutionary finds, was killed and eaten by an eagle. "Birds used to eat us and in doing so they shaped our behaviour," said Dr Lee Berger, a palaeoanthropologist at Johannesburg's University of the Witwatersrand. So we were hunted by birds, eh? Early man must’ve been pretty weak. No offense to the 2-million year old apeman, but to be picked up by an eagle and have your eyes pecked out is a pretty crappy way to go. I’m sorry, and this goes for any kind of wild animal attack, but I don’t see myself going out that way. Granted, the largest wild animal I encounter in my day-to-day life is a rabbit, but still. A human has everything needed to be an able killing machine—teeth, claws, logic—plus a few things other things animals don’t have, thumbs most notably. If some punk eagle came to pick me up, I’d go completely ape (again, forgiveness). Just as an eagle killed apeman by pecking his eyes out, that would be my first target. You just need to get a good grasp of its skull and put finger to socket. Once you feel the squish, then you’re good to go. Khyron 1, Eagles 0.