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Grey Matter


Shapes of Things

There were several things in Brad Steiger's BoA : Audio interview that really made me think about events that had happened in my own life. One of those was his near death experience. No, I have never had a near death experience, but it was the tale of the geometric shapes he saw during this that peaked my interest.

When I was a child, I often had nightmares and often it was the same nightmare. As I remember it, I was falling down a tunnel, from the sky. This was no ordinary tunnel, rather than having cement, brick or whatever else for walls, it had geometric shapes. Sometimes the shapes were in bright colors and sometimes black and white. These shapes would pulsate and morph into different shapes. It would always seem as though I was falling down this tunnel for ages.

It wasn't like those regular falling dreams where you quickly fall and hit the ground. In these dreams, sometimes I would even stop falling and be suspended in mid air and have the time to somewhat study one of these shapes or forms, just as I would be calming down and maybe somewhat starting to understand something (and I do not know what), I would start falling again. I know it sounds like some sort of wild acid trip, but I was a child and it wasn't.

The "falling tunnel dreams", as they became known, must have occurred at least once a month, from the time I was old enough to remember things until around 10 years of age. I always found them to be terrifying. Most times I would be in such a state that someone, normally my grandmother, would give me half of what they called a "tranquillizer," it was a prescription drug and to this day I have no clue what exactly it was, but it put me back to sleep and I slept peacefully through the night.

I pretty much don't remember any other nightmares or dreams of childhood except that one and it left a mark on me that cannot be erased. I have spent hours puzzling over it and never have I come to any conclusion of what it meant.

Always, and even now, as I write this, remembering that dream sends cold chills down my spine. I am still terrified of it. Although the falling I suppose was part of the terror, the real terror of it was the shapes and I can give no reason why geometric shapes would cause such fear. To this day, I have falling dreams and they are frightening when they happen, but they don't stick in my memory the way those with the shapes did.

Therefore, I wonder why those damn shapes scared me so much. Brad Steiger said the ones he saw were the building blocks or life, DNA, but if that were true in my case why would they be so frightening? I always felt they were somehow sinister, although, I was a child so perhaps my interpretation was off.

Sometimes when I really think on it, I wonder if I wasn't falling through time. I think that would be frightening because although man should be evolving, maybe evolution isn't all it is cracked up to be and that is why there is the big crash at the end. We think we have evolved because we can build some pretty amazing things, but probably we have the same primal instincts that we always had. Maybe, much later than now, we end up as one of those hideous grey beings that we accuse of abducting us and performing horrid tests.

Really, I don't know what that dream means. I often wish that I would have it now that I am older, so hopefully, even with my fear, I could better study it. I guess at this point that is unlikely to happen.

I am not sure why I am writing of a dream that I haven't had since I was a child, but I guess I was hoping for people with similar experiences to come forward so I wouldn't feel so weird. It made me feel slightly better to hear Steiger talk about something similar, but his was a near death experience and not really the same thing. He actually came to some understanding, which I never did. Maybe someone out there has a better understanding than I do and they can clue me in.

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