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The K-Files


:: Long Time Passing::
While playing in the woods as a kid, I was attacked by a swarm of wasps. By the end of the merciless attack, I was stung well over 17 times across my entire body. Like demented alien implants, I was pulling out little black stingers that had surfaced under my skin for months after.

It has been stated that an average of one out of three bites of food you take can be directly accredited to bees. They are responsible for pollinating 1/3 of the United States' crop species.

Suddenly, I find myself torn between my hate for bees and my love for eating.

If you haven't been keeping score, it seems that lately it's Man: 1, Bees: 0. In at least 24 states in the US, those flying assassins are suffering from a new infliction being called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD). In the worst cases, some regions are seeing their bee population reduced by as much as 75%. Although no definite cause for CCD has been found, mankind is already getting the bulk of the blame. The finger has been pointed at everything from the overuse of pesticides to global warming, and that even perhaps our use of cellular phones is somehow disorienting the pests.

As a melissophobic (that would be someone with an irrational fear of bees), I was initially quite glad when I first got news that the heartless bastards were dropping like common houseflies. It could've been God's smiting for all I cared--just so long as I could leave my house in the summer months without being harassed constantly by their incessant buzzing as they try to fly into my ears with near daemonic resolve. Such calculated and altogether unwarranted evil spewed forth by the likes of the mud dauber and the yellowjacket is certainly something this world could do without.

But then why, why!? must those timid honeybees be so damn important to our survival? It's like being trapped in some perpetual Catch-22 of venomous injections and tasty strawberries.

As I sat weighing the options between the elimination of fear and possible death by starvation, a faint bit of movement caught my eye. There, silhouetted in monstrous deformity across the floor was the shadow of a large hornet crawling along the outside of a window to my rear. Overcoming the initial paralysis of the encounter, I turned to face the cold-blooded killer head-on. Protected by a thick layer of glass, I watched the beast for the better part of a couple minutes as it went about its business--lazily flying around with what appeared to be little reason. Perhaps it was my inclination towards empathy getting the best of me, but doggonit...I actually felt pity for the thing.

Could this mean the start of some kind of Khyron/bee ceasefire? Ha, don't count on it. But I think I walked away from the experience with a better understanding of my winged tormentors. Maybe I've been looking at it wrong the whole time. Maybe labeling all bees as pure evil just because a few bad seeds decided to swarm me wasn't the right thing to do.

With this new disposition, I ventured forth outside the next morning with confidence. No longer tied down by hate, I soaked in the caressing Springtime sun for a glorious 10 seconds before getting buzzed by what had to have been the biggest wasp of all time. Gaining my composure after flailing violently and nearly collapsing to the ground in fright, I asked myself, Is it really that wrong to wish for the genocide of an entire species of insect?

After about half of a second of thought, I came to a definite "No". Besides, we can just get more hummingbirds to pull in the slack. Heck, the honeybee isn't even a native insect to North America. I think we can get along just fine without them.

So your colony is collapsing, huh? Here's a quarter...call someone who cares.

:: Final Cut ::

Well, that's all for this week. I trust you enjoyed your trip into this shadowy nether-realm known only as the K-Files.

For the latest updates on the world of Khyron, bookmark http://www.khyron.net/. With content updated regularly, you're sure to find your fix for all things entertaining and paranormal. As always, feel free to send any questions/comments/suggestions to KFiles@khyron.net.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next  K-Files, arriving sometime next week. Later.

~Khyron, 2007.


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